To Forgive or Not to Forgive

In this season of Lent, this is a topic I struggle with.   I wont drudge up my history with details, those who know me well know the big bad things that happened in my life, and the good too.  I had a period of 12 years out in the wilds of the world, confused and disenchanted, my whole outlook on real love put to the test - not just loving others but loving myself.  Not just with romantic relationships, but fake friends who crossed my path during this time too.  Thankfully, I'm in a place of real love and surround myself with wonderful friends and family, it took 39 years of weaning to get to this point though ;)  But, I often say if I had to do it again, go through all the pain, the heartache, I'd do it in less than a minute, my mind would be made up in a second, absolutely, positively, yes, bring it all back on.

The start of my life lessons in forgiveness:  I never did forgive the one bully I never got a chance to confront in my junior high days.  I try to remember how I overcame the cruelty...which wasnt just reserved for me by the way, they had a habit of picking on the "different" people in school.  .  I can't remember, I think I just avoided them, and by the time highschool rolled around, a new crop of kids to mingle with, many different, and with my academic success and theater, I think they lost their steam, with me anyways, or I just realized they were not worth the time to care about it.  Their words like venom, they liked to initimidate.  I had other bullies, both who I put in their place and both who backed off...but not with violence, I simply stood up to them, and that was the end of it.    Thank God for them for bringing out my assertive side, and an early lesson never to take any bullshit from anyone.  For the two who backed off...I forgave because they did apologize, probably more so because they were scared I was going to beat on them, but hey, an apology is an apology ;)    I was generally picked on for not being stick thin, my messy hair, I didnt have a knack for putting myself together like other girls concerned about their looks, but if you look at my pictures from those bygone days, I was a bigger girl than my classmates,  I had a woman's figure when the other girls were perfectly symetrical and thin.  I think of the bullies of today...they seem so unapologetic, and then the victims who lash out with violence, how do the victims learn to forgive these spoiled, mean tormenters, let alone justifying their retaliation with violence rather than rise above it?  Still, I cant say I dont envy the victims who torment back, I would have loved to been able to embarrass that bully or humiliate them...but what would I have gained?  A false sense of justice?   At what cost to my own virtue? Not that I see them regularly now, but last time I did, their face said it all, no sense of apology or realization how mean they were....looking at me with hate, for what?  I'm sure they would twist it as a "get over it, that was decades ago, we were kids"  but it meant something to me, it definitely wounded me in that time....do I think about it much now? No, but when I'm challenged to forgive at this time of lent, that one person has never made my list...nor would, since they hasnt even asked to be forgiven.

Moving beyond my early youth, and speaking of "getting over it"....how many times have you heard that expression?  Something that hurt you in your life from the past, and though you may be in a much better place, it still knaws at you, there was no closure, but you are told to "get over it", move past it...because look at yourself now, look how wonderful things are for you "NOW".  Hey, the "THEN" in my life helped shape who I am, and is a part of me....a good thing in some ways, made me stronger, made me be able to recognize real love, and real friends, and in many ways, I can attest personally, that it is possible to move on, absolutely, but you never truly "get over it"...especially if the incident was never resolved, or the party inflciting the hurt never asked to be forgiven in the first place.

 I look at the first part of my adult life, from 18 - 26 yrs old, as an old movie, I see it in front of me, I've learned to remove myself from the film, it was like another life many more years ago.  I'm numb to the actions, but it haunts me from time to time.  Then from 26-31, I feel more intune with that part of my life and my experiences, that was the "new Elaine" time....I came out from my shell, started experiencing a new way of life, some ways good, some ways bad.  Many people crossed my path from 18-31 who are still my friends today, but a few significant ones, who are not my friends now, they werent true friends, they didnt have my best interest at heart, they would smile to my face and gossip cruelly about me when I was beyond earshot....not one ever asked for forgiveness.   How do I forgive them - do they even want to be forgiven?  Sure, I can move past those times, and their cruel actions.  If I hadn't truly moved on, I couldn't possibly be in the place I am now in my life as I approach my 40th year, I would have never found my way to a better place if I continued to drown in my past sorrow.  I hadn't thought much about it until now, that the people I surround myself with, their isnt one of them I would tell you I don't trust.  I found balance, and success, true friendships, and real unequivocable love ---to the point I can't believe some of the antics from people that I used to put up with!  I found peace...but I havent been able to really forgive, its true.   I'd sure like to though, does that count?

I would love to hear from you - how do you feel about "Forgiveness"?   Is there one person you just can't seem to want to forgive?  And would you forgive them if they asked?

Is Richard's back? And my Made in NH weekend

Okay, I can only hope I keep my weight on the losing end after keeping up an eating out schedule, only for the sake of this blog ofcourse ;)  First of all, a shout out to the TBones in Bedford, for the wonderful casa caprese salad with grilled chicken that feels like such an indulgence but has kept me on my weight loss path, I bow down to you! 

This week will be a hurdle, a lunch and dinner out today, followed by lunch in the office and dinner out tomorrow, both business related.  Ay yi yi...just have to be choosy.

Attended the Made in NH Expo on Saturday.  Teddy ran into someone he knew during our morning walk who handed him two VIP passes, how could we say no?  Interesting stuff...what stunk is there were various local vineyards but you couldnt sample the wine!!  The food samples were in abundance, we tried a delicious maple flavored cotton candy, I'm not a cotton candy fan per say, but this was wonderful, a little piece mind you, but then I found out their shop is located in Peterborough, where I will be in that area in May, and they offer tours of their maple sugar plant, so you know I'll be getting me some more of that!!!!  I'm proud to report I only ate one small piece of chocolate sample, and believe me, that was a tough thing!  Teddy bought me some small pottery items from a local potter for our fireplace mantel, I love pottery.   We bought this really nice mission fig jam, the lady who makes it also goes to the Thursday farmers market here in Manchester so I'm sure I'll be seeing her again.  All in all, some nice things, but at $8 pp to get in, it was nice having those VIP passes, we were there for about an hour.  I do like supporting local businesses, and is was a nice way to do so...reminded me of the craft fairs I love going to, but on a smaller scale. There were only two potters, i would have liked to see more goods and less food...

Richards Bistro...once an institution here in Manchester for fine dining, right on up there with Hanover St Chophouse but as a more refined less costly gourmet meal.  Last two years, not so much, they had a new chef, I'm not sure its his fault, but the food quality went down slightly...anyone who was with me on New Years two years ago can attest to that, when all three of us who ordered their signature baked stuffed lobster had to send it back due to them being undercooked, obviously undercooked for that matter, surprised they left the kitchen. I heard the "new" chef recently left, but its only by coincedence that Ted and I ended up their, trying to find a place on Sunday for lunch with Ted's Mom, the usual places being very crowded, then we saw the billboard outside Richards for "$10 brunch" so we figured we would give it a go.

the one thing that never changed in quality at Richards was the bread basket...fresh baked assorted breads, a meal in themselves.  For Breakfast, they had the "breakfast version" of their breads....cinnamon roll, raspberry scone, bagel, poppy seed muffin, coffee cake...very yummy....plus assorted whole fruits and some wonderful cheese.  And this is just the beginning, their welcome basket to the diner.  Teddy ordered the $10 breakfast burrito, quite yummy and hearty...it didnt come with any fussy side dishes or even potatoes, but it was big and delicious...thin steak with veggies and cheese.  I got the salmon hash with poached egg.  I'd like to say it was perfect...the hash was decent, but my eggs were overcooked for poached.  lost a little flavor there, but that didnt stop me from eating it up. My dish was $13  Ted's Mom got the best dish - chicken asparagus and feta in a phyllo wrap.  Now, my MIL  usually eats very small meals or is very generous in sharing.   This was one of those rare occassions where she finished her plate...you couldnt even get your fork on there without her pulling it away!!!  I'm so glad she enjoyed it though, and she did give me one small bite for the sake of my review, and I would not have shared the meal as well, it was divine ;)  The phyllo was perfectly cooked, light and buttery.  It reminded me of the haddock wrapped in phyllo Ted had at Vlora in the backbay.  Her dish came at a higher price $18, but that sustained her throughout the day, again, very good portion.  What I like about Richards is they do not skimp for the cost...think about the fresh bread basket and whole fruit they started us with.  You certainly get your money's worth.  No dessert, but they always bring complimentary fresh made wine chocolates...i gave mine to Ted for fear any extra calories after such an indulgent weekend would do me in for sure.  So, is Richards back?  This was just breakfast, but would definitely go back for dinner...i think its making its way back home, but I'm not quite ready to change my 2011 New Years plans just yet...will keep you posted...

Great Steak in NH!

With Fridays come weigh in at Weight Watchers, which means indulging on Friday nights until the next time I have to get on the scale!  I had birthday plans with my good friend, but due to the weather, the hubby didn't want me going too far without him.  I did reschedule, so that will be a dinner review for another time....so as I sulked about my cancelled plans and dinner, Teddy was more motivated to take me somewhere special for a quiet dinner just the two of us.  Where to go?  With the weather being so crappy, we didnt want to go far, but we were in the mood for something a little special....Teddy remembered Buckley's Steakhouse was recommended by some people we knew, and we happen to know someone who works there, so we said "Why not"?  Buckley's is located in Merrimac, NH, very close to Manchester.  When you drive up to the restaurant, you feel like it should be further up North, almost like the setting of a nice B&B tavern, its just lacking the rolling hills and countryside surroundings.  I immediately felt quite cozy when we walked in, and the aroma was a great prelude to the dinner ahead.  There is a tavern on one side which I got a quick look at and was very cozy with a double sided fireplace and nice bar with some tables too, but we dined in the restaurant, and just as soon as we asked if our friend was working tonight, there was Connie with a big smile, who offered to wait on us, and she truly did make the experience even better.  Teddy ordered a beer that had a nice citrus flavor...I will remember the name and edit this post, I was savoring the rich hop flavor, truly had a nice zing to it.  I had a wonderful glass of the Bogle Phantom Sirah-zinfandel blend (okay, I really had two) - a great tasting red wine which complemented the meal perfectly.   We started with two specials...the seafood gumbo soup, and the lobster mac and cheese.  The soup had a nice red broth with fresh seafood and a little white rice, very warm going down on a cold night and again great with the wine.  Teddy's mac and cheese took the cake...chunks of fresh lobster, it wasnt drowned in cheese at all, very light, and the cheesiness really was at the bottom for the eater to gently mix with the rotini pasta...such a wonderful flavor, and certainly big enough for sharing.  To note, the table next to us ordered these wonderful looking onion rings, they are dipped in fresh panko crumbs and cooked tempura style, they looked wonderful, and sure enough, my dinner entree came with two of them!  The menu was what you would expect to find at a fine steak house.  A nice assortment of appetizers, they even serve raw oysters, nice looking wedge salad, a great assortment of dishes for the "non steak" fans, such as crab cake stuffed haddock, braised short rib stroganoff, a mixed grill of chicken breast, pork chop and steak tips, which is what I got, because it came with a side of tomato parmesean risotto.  Teddy order the prime filet, with a side of the risotto, but they had many sides he could have chosen from, asparagus and other vegetables, and potato sides.  And all the steak dishes offered a nice variety of sauces, I loved what was on mind, the red wine demi glaze.  The hollandaise was also very tasty, and Teddy ordered a garlic creamy sauce that was really yummy.  My dish was wonderful and enough to take home to enjoy the next day...the chicken was cooked so perfectly and it was a thick breast, the flavor was sumptious and the breast really juicy.  Steak tips too, very nice flavor, and the pork chop was quite large and tasted great with the risotto.  My entree cost $28 but I would imagine for this same dish in Boston, I would have paid $38 - they did not skimp on the portions at all.   Teddy's steak was divine, and anyone who knows me personally knows I'm not a steak fan, but it was some of the best beef I have tasted in a long time, and again, enough to take home - and we did enjoy our combined leftovers this afternoon!  Connie was quite instrumental in our menu choices, and knowledgeable...I noticed the waitstaff in general was fantastic, very intune to their customer needs and friendly.  We ended with chocolate bourbon pecan pie to share, a scoop of vanilla icecream...a must try!!  They also offered baked alaska, I saw it being served...piled high with merengue and described as a brown butter cake...certainly on our next visit, we will give that a go.  After dinner, we mozied over to the tavern for a soda before we hit the road...they serve the entire formal menu, plus their own tavern offerings, with a nice assortment of burgers.  We will definitely visit there too.  Again, the waitstaff in the tavern was very friendly, the atmosphere in general was quite comfortable and inviting.  So, for a fine dininig experience in NH, look no further than Buckley's in Merrimac!

Bret Michaels is a rocker, mover, and changer - the real deal

What would have been even better than this commentary, would have been the Iphone taped interview with the man himself, I had hoped to grab, though planned on a whim.  I am actually glad Bret was limiting his meet and greets to those who donated $500 or more to Diabetes ( I think it was for Juvenille Diabetes), he was auctioning off shirts he wore during the show he performed at MGM resort-Connecticut, as the girls swooned to the smell of the cologne lingering on his clothes, their money danced right out of their wallets, for a wonderful cause.  It was a little rich for my blood, though I had offered $100 for the charity if he could do the interview, and the manager and crew even had me wait with the others who were guaranteed their time with him, but without a wristband or special access badge, it wasnt to be.  The manager was very nice about it and even offered to get me access when he is back in the area.  Just the idea he would have considered to be an actual celebrity interview on my little blog was cool enough.  So, no, I dont have an interview, but a great memory of a terrific show.  I was in the 13th row thanks to my sister Olga for the great seats.  I became a Bret fan later in the game, though Poison was from "my time" I didnt really appreciate the music until I got older, but more so appreciate Bret for the amazing songwriter he is, and soulful singer.  He came on that stage with amazing energy, I pretty much new every song he sang, it was nice to hear some of the Poison classics too, and his own, a very simple set, three tshirt changes, he danced and put everything he had into it, and you could tell he loved his fans, not just by the way he talked to everyone, but he truly cares...i met a couple of the lucky ladies who purchased a tshirt while we were waiting to see him, then saw them roaming the casino after I had to go on my way...they waited about an hour and a half before they got to meet him.  He took his time with everyone who came through, making sure their pictures came out and not just rushing the experience.  They gushed his praises and understandably so, he definitely is a performer for the people and appreciates his fans.  More so, he understands the fragile nature of life, having had his own health issues this year, aside from his ongoing battle with diabetes, which he somehow is able to manage seemingly effortlessly with all the touring and hectic schedule he maintains.  The brain hemmorage and heart issue he had this year, within months of each other, only made him stronger and better, both physically and in his personal life.  He seems to have found some peace while keeping the beat up tempo. 

So, what would I have asked him if I did get in to see him?   "Do you eat a Mediterranean diet?  Are you related to "George Michael (s)?  How many bandanas do you go through in a year and how do you budget for them?"  ....okay, I would have come up with some better ones, maybe next time!

Mystic, CT, Julia Roberts, and what is in that secret sauce anyways?

Okay, so Julie Roberts wasnt behind the counter serving up a "slice of heaven", but you cannot not stop here if you find yourself in Mystic, CT.  It was a beautiful early spring day this past weekend, warm enough to walk around, but cold enough in the shade to keep your winter coat and gloves on.  Mystic really is a pretty quaint town, a ton of independently owned shops, boutiques, just beautiful unique things, I did a little shopping along with my walking.  I've never been to Mystic Pizza, nor walked around the area, though I think I've driven through here a time or two.  Other than the sign and tshirts for sale, the restaurant doesnt look at all like the movie set.  It was indeed filmed in the area though, and there was plenty of memorabilia in the restaurant to show how the actors and production crew bonded with the locals, I was sitting right infront of a picture of Billy Moses ("the architect" character) amongst a group of current waitresses.  The actors still have a soft spot for the area when they find themselves in the Northeast.

But what about the pizza, the real heroine of the film?  The menu had a neat story of how the restaurant came to be and was known for their "special ingredient"...the sauce.  Over the years, I imagine the place changed and simplified, we actually guessed its greek owned now, they offered a "moussaka pizza" which was a big clue!  But we went for the simple mediterranean veggie pizza.  We had to go for a small due to my diet, my picture didnt come out very well, but it was served in a round black pan, good size for two.  I thought the vegetables were very yummy, especially the artichoke hearts, it also had onions, peppers, olives...no feta, just regular pizza style cheese.  I wasnt crazy about the crust but at the same time, it was a decent pizza.  I didnt think the sauce was so special though.  I looked around at what other people were eating, food looked decent, like regular pizza parlor type fare.  And the ambience is fun with all the film props, photos, and they were even playing the movie Mystic Pizza on a flat screen.  Definitely worth a try when you are in Mystic and in a mood to make your mark in film history! :)

A Little Gem in the North End

Ted and I have been to L'Osteria a couple of times before, recommended to us on a summer's day sitting at a bar by the harbor in Boston.  We started to chat with the couple next to us, who highly recommended this North End restaurant located on Salem St, the "road less traveled" compared to Hanover St which is wildly popular with tourists and known for hot spots such as Strega,  Mike's Pastry, and our late night favorite Cafe Pompeii.  We went with another couple last night before a Celtics game.  Luckily, I discovered that they took reservations via their own website, we hadn't known this the last two times and were content to wait among the crowd.  I wasnt sure we even needed the reservation for a Wed night at 6pm, but sure enough after we got seated, the place filled up quickly, looked like everyone else had the same idea.  This is a "no frills" North End restaurant, very noisy, an accordian player roams the room, tight seating, and the closest restroom is downstairs.  I was having some minor anxiety and anticipation as I havent had any wine in nearly three months, and wasnt sure how I would handle my first glass.  I got the house Merlot which was truly delicious and balanced, plummy, as a merlot should be.  Striving to make this the "best year of Elaine"...i skipped an appetizer, we all did, and just stuck with our entrees.  I considered the linguine with shrimps and scallops or calamari in a light marinara sauce.  But then the waiter read the specials..."Seafood Risotto...shrimp, scallops and Calamari"  I was done for.  I am a huge fan of risotto, love the creamy texture of the rice.  Rissotto can go eiher way...can be extremely cheesy or more broth based, but either way incorporates butter for sure.  Awaiting my punishment, I decided I wouldn't obsess and beat myself up which would only take the pleasure away from my dining experience.  When the dish arrived, I was pleased to find out it was more the broth variety, white wine, garlic, and with a light tomatoe sauce mixed in.  The seafood was super fresh and tasty....portion plenty big everyone got a taste and Ted finished my scraps.  Ted got a simple buttered tortellini, which was "simply" wonderful.  My friends went for two house specials, the veal braciole which was in an unbelievable creamy tomatoe vodka sauce, and the chicken pescatore again in a delicious tomatoe sauce served with shrimp, both came with sides of pasta.   We graduated to a bottle of red wine from Napa Valley, dry and fullbodied, and enjoyed a delicious meal together.  At that point, we gave into the experience and decided to each order a cannoli, house made, fresh ricotta, served just as is, no sauce, no chips, no nuts, just the shell and super creamy ricotta...it was worth me declaring I would give up my traditional weekend dessert for.  So, Ted just needs to enforce that with me because I know I may get weak and try to sneak another one in ;)  All I can say is, WOW for a Wednesday night dinner!

Not to knock the wonderful restaurants on Hanover St, but I think the restaurants on Salem Street are geared more to the locals and less to the tourists.  The prices are a good $5-$10 less an entree.  The bottle of wine we ordered was $36 and was fantastic, whereas we may have been persuaded to buy a $50 of wine elsewhere.  I was surprised and pleased to find out another restaurant we like on Salem Street, called La Galleria 33, is also owned by the L'Osteria crew.  We chatted up some customers seating behind us at dinner who also gave La Galleria their full endorsement, though they love to go to L'Osteria and are frequent customers.   Safe to say, wont be the last time we will go there.  Check it out next time you are looking for an authentic, no frills, North End experience.

Early Spring day trip to Newburyport

Well, to catch you all up, I've been nearly a shut in since January, so getting out and about now has a whole new meaning!  Now that I can actually walk for more than 20 minutes at a time, I was itching to take a day trip a couple of weeks ago.  Ted and I didnt have much time but we left from NH at 3:30pm on a Saturday and rode over to Newburyport.  The weather was cool but sunny, and the drive was very scenic.  We first rode over to Plum Island, but no beach walking...there was a high level of bacteria alert so they closed all the beaches.  I absolutely love to walk on the beach in the Winter, as strange as that sounds, if the weather is tolerable, its not only good exercise, but wonderful to get in that sea air without the usual summer commotion while walking.  Its very peaceful and I highly recommend it.  In Newburyport, we made our way over to the Black Cow Grille.  Its towards the water close to the center of town, you have to look for it, its not on the main street...its close to Michael's.  Their bar is wonderful, cozy, romantic, fun....all tied up together.  We went light because we were meeting friends for dinner, but we enjoyed the PEI Mussels, so delicious, with a little bread.  Ted also got their clam chowder, very thick, creamy, he swears they put cheese in it, I took a couple of bites, it was really really rich.   There is a fireplace in the bar if you are lucky enough to get the corner table.  In the summer, they have a deck with seating.  The whole menu looks wonderful, I cant wait to go again in better weather for more exploring and snacking!